i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
