Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my poor anus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
