May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
