I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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