You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
