She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
