I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
