God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
