Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
