I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
that is very illegal...i love you.
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