At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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