sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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