i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
