I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
