just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
