dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
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Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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