Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize