flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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