the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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