Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
