I have demons in me.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
