Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
