he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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