He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Quick, to the slutcave!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
