I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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