Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
