my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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