you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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