im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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