why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
MIDGETS
????
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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