so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
