Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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