literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
