So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
