Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
