dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
