Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
