she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
