Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just puked most of my soul out..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
