They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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