Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
