He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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