when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dick very happy bro
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
