when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
