Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
