first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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