I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
