Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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