atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
