This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
