capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
