The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
