i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
