and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Let's get the cat blown out
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
