his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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