I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
