babies were throwing up all over the place
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
