im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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