just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
