Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
