the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
