Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
