He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
