she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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