I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
