Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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