Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
