just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
