you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What a dumb baby whore.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
