He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
