she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
