You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
