tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize