dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
