Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
