i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sponge bath it is.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question