real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
