i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
