Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.

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  (610): Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it. http://tfl.nu/867y
  Replies (16) Good night (1633) Bad night (513)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy

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  (410): Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy http://tfl.nu/8k4u
  Replies (7) Good night (635) Bad night (1868)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out

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  (239): they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out http://tfl.nu/ncls
  Replies (2) Good night (3653) Bad night (754)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen

  (845): View more from New York

  That would be so convenient

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  (845): Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen (845): That would be so convenient http://tfl.nu/c28s
  Replies (12) Good night (3029) Bad night (933)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.

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  (706): He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation. http://tfl.nu/vr82
  Replies (18) Good night (757) Bad night (3243)
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  (858): View more from California

  No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.

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  (858): No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter. http://tfl.nu/lm85
  Replies (17) Good night (3213) Bad night (895)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

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  (914): He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck. http://tfl.nu/kvtv
  Replies (10) Good night (2490) Bad night (786)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.

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  (970): bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog. http://tfl.nu/rc38
  Replies (5) Good night (1668) Bad night (423)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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  (315): Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking. http://tfl.nu/luay
  Replies (7) Good night (1617) Bad night (457)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.

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  (843): Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now. http://tfl.nu/4hes
  Replies (3) Good night (340) Bad night (755)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.

  (254): View more from Texas

  It's 2 pm....

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  (940): I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas. (254): It's 2 pm.... http://tfl.nu/onth
  Replies (3) Good night (1810) Bad night (390)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do

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  (508): Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do http://tfl.nu/ic6g
  Replies (2) Good night (644) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.

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  (347): Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/skxk
  Replies (2) Good night (314) Bad night (567)
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  (747): View more from California

  I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you

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  (747): I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you http://tfl.nu/r95i
  Replies (1) Good night (217) Bad night (533)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob

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  (219): Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob http://tfl.nu/14km
  Replies (4) Good night (353) Bad night (286)

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