I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does