he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.