Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%

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  (415): If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49% http://tfl.nu/98jc
  Replies (14) Good night (965) Bad night (2343)
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  (805): View more from California

  An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.

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  (805): An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice. http://tfl.nu/s7hm
  Replies (19) Good night (4643) Bad night (988)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,

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  (678): Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead, http://tfl.nu/tjky
  Replies (11) Good night (4563) Bad night (1207)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea

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  (325): suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea http://tfl.nu/q0e7
  Replies (21) Good night (1037) Bad night (4731)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.

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  (812): I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking. http://tfl.nu/z4xo
  Replies (8) Good night (4223) Bad night (1259)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure

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  (224): I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure http://tfl.nu/kybt
  Replies (3) Good night (639) Bad night (1596)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats

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  (248): The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats http://tfl.nu/x34n
  Replies (2) Good night (1466) Bad night (667)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?

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  (734): and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k? http://tfl.nu/xp0u
  Replies (11) Good night (1497) Bad night (574)
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  (107): View more from

  That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.

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  (107): That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog. http://tfl.nu/02iq
  Replies (8) Good night (1312) Bad night (1007)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Nobody in the ambulance liked me...

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  (775): Nobody in the ambulance liked me... http://tfl.nu/5rji
  Replies (11) Good night (847) Bad night (1729)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...

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  (469): He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face... http://tfl.nu/7dsy
  Replies (6) Good night (1522) Bad night (807)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics

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  (647): You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics http://tfl.nu/qir9
  Replies (4) Good night (1029) Bad night (408)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.

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  (210): Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often. http://tfl.nu/cowe
  Replies (14) Good night (947) Bad night (417)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know what to say

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  (248): Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud? (1-248): I don't know what to say http://tfl.nu/pf22
  Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (448)
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  (347): View more from New York

  how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?

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  (347): how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound? http://tfl.nu/ipn6
  Replies (1) Good night (231) Bad night (488)

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