Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(619): View more from California

he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear? http://tfl.nu/9u5k

Replies (111) Good night (1557) Bad night (5640)
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction" http://tfl.nu/s1bm

Replies (16) Good night (899) Bad night (5009)
Favorite
(586): View more from Michigan

No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(586): No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises. http://tfl.nu/ovsh

Replies (11) Good night (4737) Bad night (738)
Favorite
(360): View more from Washington

just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(360): just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college http://tfl.nu/r8zm

Replies (24) Good night (4784) Bad night (1058)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid! http://tfl.nu/xi6r

Replies (51) Good night (1566) Bad night (10703)
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me. http://tfl.nu/x400

Replies (36) Good night (1333) Bad night (8655)
Favorite
(281): View more from Texas

Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(281): Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together. http://tfl.nu/69iq

Replies (15) Good night (2989) Bad night (967)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not. http://tfl.nu/jtsf

Replies (14) Good night (7830) Bad night (1041)
Favorite
(512): View more from Texas

Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(512): Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time. http://tfl.nu/xdkp

Replies (7) Good night (2691) Bad night (1374)
Favorite
(586): View more from Michigan

and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(586): and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship http://tfl.nu/q3ik

Replies (3) Good night (2666) Bad night (1053)
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th! http://tfl.nu/5xz8

Replies (0) Good night (1136) Bad night (587)
Favorite
(386): View more from Florida

Solid. Can't put a price on good times

(978): View more from Massachusetts

You can and it's called a liver.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(386): Solid. Can't put a price on good times (978): You can and it's called a liver. http://tfl.nu/hzws

Replies (3) Good night (1916) Bad night (684)
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits? http://tfl.nu/td8v

Replies (15) Good night (2180) Bad night (580)
Favorite
(337): View more from Louisiana

My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(337): My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit http://tfl.nu/nmyv

Replies (4) Good night (1087) Bad night (468)
Favorite
(216): View more from Ohio

We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(216): We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence" http://tfl.nu/k55r

Replies (0) Good night (590) Bad night (325)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard