Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.

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(248): the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot. http://tfl.nu/4bij

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(801): View more from Utah

We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."

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(801): We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move." http://tfl.nu/deqa

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(917): View more from New York City

She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic

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(917): She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic http://tfl.nu/5xzq

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(407): View more from Florida

he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse

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(407): he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse http://tfl.nu/je2y

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(734): View more from Michigan

I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted

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(734): I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted http://tfl.nu/844p

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(914): View more from New York

just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix

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(914): just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix http://tfl.nu/hrwb

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(850): View more from Florida

So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

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(850): So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm. http://tfl.nu/5svr

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(319): View more from Iowa

So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

(319): View more from Iowa

Decisions, decisions.

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(319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5

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(252): View more from North Carolina

He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..

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(252): He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it.. http://tfl.nu/x7yt

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(630): View more from Illinois

I wonder if you can snort coke upside down

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(630): I wonder if you can snort coke upside down http://tfl.nu/eyfv

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(209): View more from California

Show him your tits if he says no

(1-209): View more from California

They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.

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(209): Show him your tits if he says no (1-209): They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits. http://tfl.nu/0j62

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?

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(202): you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday? http://tfl.nu/psur

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(415): View more from California

Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.

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(415): Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups. http://tfl.nu/od5l

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(925): View more from California

also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.

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(925): also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/lamp

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(203): View more from Connecticut

In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.

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(203): In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window. http://tfl.nu/vk8f

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