This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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