I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
