If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
