I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
