So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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