I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
